Book : Seinlanguage - Seinfeld, Jerry

-Titulo Original : Seinlanguage

-Fabricante :

Bantam

-Descripcion Original:

Seinfeld. For more than 33 million viewers, the Emmy Award-winning television show has become a Thursday night ritual. Even though the show has ended, Jerry Seinfelds distinct brand of humor can still be yours. In his #1 New York Times bestselling book, SeinLanguage, Jerry Seinfeld has captured on the page his views on topics ranging from Raisinettes to relationships, from childhood to cop shows, and from parents to power suits. This must-have book for all fans-and who isnt a fan?-remains available in both paperback and hardcover. Review Until then, Seinlanguage will continue to provide guaranteed chuckles in a neat and tidy package. Kind of like Jerry himself. About the Author Jerry Seinfeld is an actor, comedian, and author of Halloween, Stories from a Moron, and Seinlanguage. He resides in NYC and Los Angeles with his wife (also a bestselling author!) and his family. Jerry Seinfeld is the creator of Seinfeld, one of the most beloved television shows of all-time. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. Freeway of LoveWell that’s it. I give up. I really don’t know what the women are thinking. I’ve talked with them. I’ve studied them. I’ve asked them to study me. And I have to admit I am still at square one. Not that I really object to square one. It is the only numbered square in the game. At least you know your position. Nobody ever screws up and goes, “Well, back to oval seven.”I believe we’re all secretly happy we can’t figure our relationships out. It keeps our minds working. I think we have to be grateful for the one thing in our lives that keeps us from being totally focused on eating.The DateDating is pressure and tension. What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference between a date and a job interview is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked at the end of it.“Well Bill, the boss thinks you’re the man for the position. Why don’t you strip down and meet some of the people you’ll be working with?”Maybe we need some kind of pre-date ritual. Maybe first meet up in one of those rooms where you visit prisoners. You have that glass between you. You talk on the phones. See how that goes before you attempt an actual date. This way the only sexual tension would be deciding if you should put your hand on the glass or not. And if you’re not comfortable at any point, you just signal to the guard and they take the other person away.It’s hard to have fun when you’re feeling evaluated. We should say, “You seem nice. Why don’t we get together sometime for some serious scrutiny?”Because that’s the thing that happens. Whenever you think about this person in terms of maybe spending your future with them, you have to magnify every little thing about them.The guy will be like, “I don’t think her eyebrows are even. I can’t believe it. Her eyebrows are uneven. Could I look at uneven eyebrows for the rest of my life?” And of course, the woman’s thinking, “What is he looking at? Do I want someone looking at me like this for the rest of my life?”Women, of course, have powers far beyond those of mortal men.A woman left a message on my phone machine the other day, with kind of a breathy voice. And no matter what a woman says, if it’s in that breathy voice, it sounds so appealing. A stewardess could lean over, whisper in my ear, “Would you put on your seatbelt? We’re about to crash into a mountain.” And I wanna go, “Really? So what are you doing later by the ruptured fuselage? What do you say we meet for some peanuts over by the black box? I’ll bring the cushions.”Women need to like the job of the guy they’re dating. If they don’t like the job, they don’t like the guy. Men know this-which is why we make up the phony, bogus names for the jobs that we have. “Well right now, I’m the regional management supervisor. I’m in development, production, consulting . . .”Men, on the other hand, if they are physically